The 2015 team of the year was the Kansas City Royals. The 2015 player of the year was Bryce Harper. The 2015 defensive play of the year was the one where Josh Donaldson dove headfirst into a random dude’s chest. The GIF of the year was this one:
It’s been the GIF of the year for 10 straight years, and it’s gaining momentum.
If you want a Best of 2015 post, that pretty much covers it.
“But Grant,” you complain. “What about you? Isn’t there a way to list a lot of things that have to do with you?” I’ll admit, that’s a good point. So, here are some personal favorites and embarrassments that I found by going through all of the things I wrote in 2015.
My favorite headlines of 2015
- Buy these Ted Williams condoms
- Baseball is better when teams hate each other, so here are some teams that should hate each other
- Pablo Sandoval benched for Instagram creepin’ during in-game poopin’
- Bartolo Colon will chase you down and tag you on the spine
- Randy Johnson threw a baseball through the bird of my heart
- Cardinals tweet out shitty rap song about the Cardinals or something I can’t even finish it
- Rougned Odor has a brother named Rougned Odor, and both Rougneds Odor are on the Rangers now
- Kyle Farnsworth is a defensive lineman now, and he leads his team in sacks
- Sexy, graying Ichiro wants you to enjoy home plate with him
- Nobody loves you, you will die alone and here is a Nickelback disco song
Do not listen to the song included in that last one.
The whole thing. Or, specifically, the American League predictions, which would have worked much, much, much better if they were reversed. Now, I’ve made some crappy predictions before the season, but I’ve never seen them be so wrong that they would have been more accurate if I ignored every instinct I had.
The only saving grace is that I wasn’t alone. There were 89 predictions made between ESPN, Baseball Prospectus and FanGraphs, and the Royals didn’t make the postseason in a single one. The AL was weird last year.
Worst post (tie)
The first one was April. The second one was June. Why couldn’t I let the Braves go? They were clearly over me and ready to move on to a new relationship with someone more cynical.
I look forward to writing “Why the Braves will be bad for 100 years” next April before they win the division.
Favorite thing to write about
Not the favorite article, but the favorite subject. As you might imagine, October is when there are unsafe levels of baseball in the blood of every baseball writer, and it’s not unlike a mild case of lead poisoning. There is fatigue, but you have to fight it. There is slowed brain activity, but you have to deal with it. October can be unforgiving for people paid for their hot takes.
And then! Something comes along that makes your brain whir and click. A story that makes you smile and smile and smile, every time you think about it. As long as you weren’t a Rangers fan, at least. That Game 5 and the inning of ultimate nonsense was probably something I could have written a three-act play about the day after. I kind of want to write about it again right now.
That game was like hiding a bunch of bananas in your pants in a room full of football-sized monkeys, and I miss it so.
Best-trafficked post of the year
Cardinals fans are the best clickers in baseball.
Story I absolutely did not remember until just now
I can’t even remember who was involved, and I’m not clicking to find out.
Ten of the posts that make it hard to explain to my parents what I do for a living
- Please don’t vape around the Red Sox
- Jim Palmer would like to remind you about these athletes in their underwear
- The Brewers can’t high five because of a pinkeye epidemic
- Help name the Yard Goats’ mascot ‘Chase Buttley’
- David Ortiz would be a porn star without baseball, possibly in the big-butt genre
- We have the power to name Hartford’s baseball team the YARD GOATS
- There is nothing strange about this Astros mascot riding an ostrich
- This Twitter chat with Pat Burrell is going really well
- Listen to a dramatic reading of Alex Rodriguez’s apology letter
- Here is a completely normal baseball headline that isn’t noteworthy in any way
The title of this section is code for “My job is occasionally stupid, and so am I, and I don’t know why I get paid to do this. Please don’t tell anyone.”
- The unwritten rules of Kyle Seager calling for time the wrong way
- Here’s why it will suck when your team loses in the postseason
- How to throw a no-hitter and lose by four runs
- What’s better, the Super Bowl or the World Series?
- The time a catcher pitched at Coors Field and won
- A modest proposal for injecting the HR Derby … with fun!
- Royals fans are caught between the impossible and entirely possible
- Why the All-Star Game isn’t as important as it used to be
- Barry Bonds, reviewed
- How I fell in love with baseball cards all over again
Like most writers, I hate almost everything I write, but here are 10 articles that I’m proud of. Hardly anyone read one about the All-Star Game. Now’s your chance! Share it with your Facebook friends and Twitter followers. I’m sure they’ll love it. Maybe text it to your parents.
Happy New Year, everyone, and thanks for reading. Here’s to a 2016 filled with broken unwritten rules, players getting hit in the beans and lots and lots of dingers.